The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Today's church service told a message of a wolf in sheep's clothing. It's the biblical fable that teaches Christians to look beyond what the eye see, and to understand that there are people in our lives that will be wolves masked as sheep. The message was, on a surface-level synopsis, teaching us to beware of deception.

I was saddened to realize that there was a particular wolf in sheep's clothing in my life. Someone who puts on a shiny smile, helps those that can't help themself at night, spouts bible verses and sings passionately in church, but that is really quite the different person underneath the exterior. Beneath the perfectly groomed mane, there's harsh judgement, hidden motives and seemingly false caring. There are phone calls for the sake of calling, but no listening ears on the receiving end.

I can only hope that my wolf in sheep's clothing will one day evolve a true sheep.

It's All Coming Back To Me

In my efforts to work on my long-term memory, I've stumbled upon one particular area in my cobwebbed memory that took me back over 10 years, to Ms. Kilker's classroom in Arkansas. We were required to memorize this poem for the 8th grade English final. I can even remember where I was standing when I recited this verbatim for the A. And quite the beauty it still is:

If, by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

So...

It's 15 degrees in Ohio, and my fingers are too cold to type.

Sunday's Stream of Consciousness

-I never did see the "John" emerge from the prostitute's house. I ended up passing out.

-Today represents the 69th birthday of an American Great and large influence in my life - Mr. Neil Leslie Diamond.

-Turns out Google does block some autofill items that are curious and concerning (one of which, "Islam is" yet "Christianity is" brings up results...some not so pleasant either).

-I got the new iPhone 3gs. Woot!

-I ran into the Pakistani man who I frequenly battle against for Uggs at Last Chance this morning. He had a broken arm in a cast (likely from his aggressive shopping habits), but still darted and ducked across the store in search of those Australian moneymakers. Unfortunately, the inventory was simply not there today, and both me and Paki Man left empty handed. The eye contact we made before ducking into our respective cars said we'd meet again soon. Same battlefield, same objective. Uggs.

-Imraan comes home Sunday (well, he arrives back in New Orleans, but back in the States no less). I can't sit still thinking about it.

-Heading to Ohio on Friday for April's baby shower. The high is 18. FFFFFFFF!

-My first 401K is finally set up. I'm officially an adult.

-My afternoon run today was fast and furious. I think the 1/2 marathon chip that is still visible on my shoelace makes me run faster.

I anxiously await Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters this lovely Sunday evening. And my bottle of dry Rose. :)

the underworld. one step at a time

I find myself writing on my patio (which is not uncommon) at nearly 1:00am... and I'm in the pitch black. My neighbor, who Neil and I have suspected is a prostitute for quite some time, has stumbled up the stairwell across from me, and I have since turned off all my lights in hopes she won't invite herself over. She always tries to share a glass of wine with me. But, I'm confident - on this night in particular - that she won't try and invade my space, as she had an older man in tote as she ascended the stairwell with to her apartment.

WHAT???????????

I know I've always assumed she was a prostitue, but WHAT? This woman has been to my apartment and I've heard most of her life story. Is she really a prostitute? I think so now. And, I think it's affecting me the most, because I didn't really think this was the case with her. I knew she was a bit trshy, yeah. But, come on. I'm shocked.

And stunned. And paralyzed. I'm a girl from the South, and I've never seen prostitution first-hand.

I'm just waiting for him to emerge, really. I can't even leave this black hole, or even think about the crazy things I have lying ahead of me in the next month in general...because this is so unreal. Will he emerge shamed, or will he come out smiling?

I must see it out...

Geography 101 on "The Patio"

Neil and I decided to have a geography evening on the patio. And boy did we make a night of it.

First up, was to name all the 50 US state capitals. I will admit, it wasn't the pretiest of sights.

Second up, was to simply name as many countries in the world we could spout off together. Of the 195 or so in existence, we were able to spout off a little over 100.

Depressing. And yet, enlightening. Refusing to be the neighborhood idiot, I've since downloaded a US state capitol rap, as well as started researching some countries that I knew next to nothing about. Currently, I'm on Belgrade, Serbia.

It's amazing the rollercoasters the patio continues to take us on. The Patio, please seat yourself.

A Dreamer Indeed

As I wind down from my walk/run in today's 1/2 marathon, and as I sip my third savory Sam Adams, (hey, I need to replenish carbs), I find my mind ambling into the past week's dream history.

Dream 1:

I'm on a trip with friends, and as we're about to depart, I decide I need to go see this somebody quickly. Somehow, it's an immediate and urgent need.

I find myself racing through the front doors of a restricted labratory. The attendant asks who I'm here to see, and I tell her. She asks if I am here to pick up something from him. I pause - realize that I am, in fact, not here to pick up anything from him - and then inform her that, yes, that's precisely why I'm here.

Once inside the lab, I'm looking for this person while trying to fit into the environment. Everything is white and it's a maze of closed doors and sanitation. I'm sneaking around, in a way, as I know my entry to this location is essentially trespassing. I round the corner, and hear the man before I even see him. It's a hissing noise, and it's coming from the small grey rat on his shoulder. It's him. This is somehow, the guy I'm here to see. And as I come into his eyesight, he keeps walking and pays no specific attention to me at all. I'm crushed.

Dream 2:

I'm moving into a new house with two of my friends, who, in the dream are unidentified and faceless, but they have the feeling of old, great friends. I'm excited about moving into this place and am exploring the new amenities the house offers. It's not a new house, but I like it. After some preliminary inspection, I decide that I would like to take the living room as my living quarters. The living room has no walls, and no privacy, but I want it anyway. In the dream, I want to be totally open.

As the girls and I are unpacking our belongings, I look around the living room (my new room) and I notice the walls. They're intricately painted, almost like a Van Gough painting. Each wall is a different and unique masterpiece. It's very odd for living room walls, but yet exquisite and beautiful. And then, just like that, I want to paint over them. I want a more "normal" living room. And I start to paint over the walls with brown and taupe wall paint.

Dream 3:

I'm in the back seat of a car and I'm holding a little boy. He's young and he's perched on my lap, burying his head into my chest. I hold him and even today in my waking life, I feel a strong love and almost maternal protecting urge for this child.

Dream 4:

I'm sitting at a board-room style table with several members of my family. I announce that I've been taking dance classes and as soon as it's out of my mouth, the announcement from around the table begins. My brother is also taking dance lessons - in hip hop. My mother is taking lessons in ballroom dance. My father is taking a country western class.

And I'm irritated and annoyed that they've all copied me.


Have the dreams taken a life of their own or am I on to something?

Google: The American Reflection?

I've found a new leisure activity (like I ought to have another one) that is both pointless and fabulously telling of the American (and maybe the worldwide) society of Internet users. I think this may become a series.

It's called... Google.

I am actually well aware that it's been around for a while, but what has NOT been around for a while, is the feature in the search bar that auto-completes your searches. When one types in a question, the Google search bar will auto-correct your search with what has been the most frequently seeked out. This, I've found, can be a surprising, merry and eventful proclamation of our society. Let me provide a thrilling example:

If I were to type, "How do I get..." the below would currently pop up, in order of most frequenly googled:

...a passport
...my sister to sleep with me
...you alone lyrics
...a new social security card
...you alone
...a copy of my birth certificate
...rid of fruit flies
...farmville cash
...pregnant
...to dalaran

Now, I am proud of the first search, "How do I get a passport?" Valid. Ok.

But, the second most popular search of "How do I get my sister to sleep with me" is beyond perturbing. As is, "How do I get to Dalaran" which I learned after some shameful research, is in direct relation to an uber crazy and elite role-playing game called World of Warcraft. That's just peculiar in its own...

However, now that I'm totally jilted, I'm also equally intriqued (as is the usual), and I find myself typing other questions and phrases into Google to see what others are searching. Unfortunately, I find myself more troubled by the next search. As I type, "Why is," the below pops up in the auto-fill search bar:

...the sky blue
...my poop green (HOLY COW - WHAT???)
...Ellen not on American Idol
...it called Black Friday
...a raven like a writing desk
...yawning contagious
...my computer so slow
...pepto bismol pink
...the world going to end in 2010

I've spent much of my night trying to understand the searches of my fellow Googlers, and also trying to distinguish what makes for an educated, and a lesser-educated search. One thing I've found, is that by searching "what do U" instead of spelling out the word, makes quite the difference.

I'm interested in finding out where this obsession takes me...

2010 - Let the grey hairs roll

Is it too much to ask to not turn grey before 25??

I found my first grey hair this week. I made Neil pull it out immediately.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

A Decade Older, Quite the Wiser

It seems, now that it's 2010 - a new decade - that a reflection on the past 10 years of my simple life is in order. This should be interesting, shouldn't it?

2000 - Freshman in HS. Church lock-ins and Veritas. The year my brother graduated HS. Awkward physical transitions and craving independence. Family visit to South America. Funky nail polish. A passion for my Spanigh heritage found. Kanakuk camps. Fuzzy Navals.

2001 - My first car, the red eclipse. 911 attack. First cell phone. Getting my hardship. Forest Hill and Czech boy parties. Off campus lunch wars. Napster. Mr. Remenar. Stalkers and restraining orders. Prom. Media club.

2002 - Down under bowl cheerleading in Australia where I met two of my closest pals I still call my dear friends today. Senora Koester. DUIs and MIPs. Community service at the police station. Beginning of my senior year in HS. Struggle for independence and devastating heartache trying to get there.

2003 - Cheerleading. End of my last year in HS. The lake. Betrayal from your closest friends. Senior slave day as a donkey. First year of college at U of A. Parties. The dorms and Focker and my pink dorm room in Humphreys, where another round of precious friends who still bless my life today appeared. Drunk girl. Frat parties.

2004 - South Padre Island at Spring Break. Jon Champagne and JRs. 703 N Meadowlands Drive. Block parties. The summer. Fort Smith. Cleaning my brother's house for payment in beer.

2005 - Farzad. Finals and adderall. Crosswords. Grubs. Entering junior year of college and planning for study abroad. Roomate struggles. Stormy, the red-headed neighbor kid.

2006 - Barcelona, Spain and a refined passion for Spanish culture! First internship (SVI). Turning 21. Coffee. Traveling across Europe and finally coming into my independence. Andy. Shiny new car. Imraan. Falling unexpectedly in love.

2007 - College grad with a double major! Phoenix, Arizona! Kate. Unpaid internship and retirement city living. Wine bar waitressing. Feeling torn with long distance relationships. Near-loss of my left index finger. David Sedaris.

2008 - Experiencing the tragic passing of a dear friend's father and pondering my own mortality. Coming into my own in a new city. Coffee. First apartment in my new city and first paid job in the tourism industry. Executive committee meetings. New friends and Las Vegas.

2009 - First half marathon. Panama trip to discover more family and heritage. First cavity. New job in advertising! Diet coke. ECHO clinic. Michael Jackson's death. Waivering with men and juggling too many options. Daddy's 60th birthday. Itching to get out and explore. Aunt-to-be.

When you look back at it all, it's staggering how much has changed in only 10 years. I do take into account that these are 10 years that inevitably, a good deal of change has to occur. But, it makes me excited for what's to come not only in 2010, but in the next decade. 2010 and beyond. Bring it.