BBQ & Mildew

Driving to get Starbucks this morning...

"I roll in BBQ, you roll around in mildew" escaped my radio. Turning it up to see what kind of prank freestyle they were playing on the morning mix, the second idiot line presented itself, "I roll around higher than gas prices, and I don't even have a driver's license."

OMG.

And apparently, it wasn't a joke. Baby Bash was serious. See for yourself (skip to :58)

#stoptheinsanity

The Underworld: Office Noshers

A continuation to the underworld series, a new sect of this freaky group of society has presented itself: The Elusive Office Noshers. We all know them. Well, we don't know for certain who they are, but we suspect and label who might be responsible. Every office has one. The person who walks by the plate of doughnuts, or bucket of bagels, and like a wild primal being, tears a piece off with their bare hands, shoves it into their mouth, and leaves the scene of the crime completely unfazed. I've seen my fair share of savagery among Office Noshers, but this... this might have taken the cake.

What we have here, is a classic case of an Office Nosher actually putting their mouth to the community treat, and then upon replacing the doughnut into the box they found it in, retreating to their work station. I came upon this particular abomination a little after 3pm this afternoon, and in an act of true revulsion, decided to try and pin the criminal in their tracks. Here's what we knew: Suspect - one of twenty tourism professionals, likely with powdered sugar remains on their clothing. Possible afternoon crash taking place and in need of sugar and sustenance. Upon closer inspection, it appears the Nosher has a slight under bite, and possible dental work on the lower left teeth. Missing teeth in the lower left could be a factor as well.

A quick scan of the office, and no powdered sugar trail to boot. Four o'clock rolled around and as suspects began to take off, I got side tracked on another project.  Not to worry - I'll be finding the convict tomorrow - no doubt. I'll leave the group with a second picture more closely depicting the sugary evidence.

Stay tuned, San Diego.

The Haboob Made Me Do It

When the mighty haboob of 2011 took over Metropolitan Phoenix last week, the only logical thing for my roommate and I to do was to situate ourselves on the front patio (white wine in hand), and sit back and enjoy the show. Haboob neophyte as I might be, this was quite the show. A shot of the haboob onset from our front patio for your viewing pleasure:

After the haboob rolled out of town (the fifty mile- wide monster that it was), the only logical thing to do, was head to the car wash. Except all of Arizona seemed to have the same idea, and I'm not one for waiting in line in 115 degree weather for something that's not life threatening.

And, I remembered I had this mountain of quarters from an office lunch run (seriously people - who gives you SIX dollars in quarters for a sandwich. Whatever), which led me to entertaining an idea I never thought I'd consider. Maybe I was feeling a little deranged on this particular day, but for whatever reason, I began to turn over the idea of the self service car wash on my block. Allow me to set the scene before I get the haters and nay-sayers. This is the self service gas station from hell. Somehow, despite residing in one of the sunniest and most dry climates in the county, it's dark, damp and sinister-like. It's on the corner of homeless and homelesser, adjacent to a foot trafficked taco stand called "El Norteno" (which I will admit, I have patronized a time before), and butts up against a narrow alley which is a gang graffiti hot spot. It's so old and run-down, I don't even think it has a name. Keep in mind this is on my block, but that's just how downtown Phoenix is. I like to call it "urban."

I needed some assurance.

"Do you think I'd be safe taking Sam through the car wash on the corner?" I asked my roommate who was starting to become one with the couch.

"Yeah, just expect a few homeless men to approach you, and if they do, spray them with the squirter. It has high pressure," he barked.

"Do you think there're rats in there?" I asked.

Without skipping a beat, "No...but probably cockroaches. Make sure you spray off the car first with water, then scrub with the brush 'cause that dust isn't gonna come off with just the sprayer..."

"Oh ok..." I was wavering. Could I really do this and survive? I laced up my running shoes, snatched the pile of quarters, and headed out the front door before I could convince myself otherwise. Creeping through the alley, I made a left at the corner and shot into one of the dark slots. Swinging my legs out, I screamed as I nearly stepped on a black wet glove. Gross. Timidly, I carried my quarters to the machine and $1.25 later, I was up and running. $3.25 and 7 minutes later, I was pulling out with a sparkling clean Sam and an accomplished feeling that I may had just uncovered a hidden gem.

Mighty Haboob - you may have instilled in me a love for self service car washes. We'll see...

Google Search: Why not?

It's almost like getting a feel for the community you live within, knowing how they search. Key in a few search terms and you might find yourself amazed what Google suggests. Note - this data populates on a regional level, so results vary.

Ways to...
... make money
... ask a girl to prom
... save money
... lose weight
... say I love you

Fair enough here. No huge surprises, but I'm just getting started.

How big...
... is an acre
... is Japan
... is the Universe
... is the Sun
... is a queen sized bed

Japan? This seems very odd.

Kill...
... bill
... some time
... team
... your boss
... Justin Bieber

Your boss!?

Find...
... a grave
... people
... my iPhone
... chuck norris
... my phone

I'll be the first to admit, finding a grave does sound enticing, but wonder why it's so much so, it's the first search term. And Chuck Norris? Come on, people. Why is "a job" not one of the options? Or "my dog/cat."

When to grab...
... deals
... for ice climbers chain
... cat by neck
... a domain
... in ssbb

How to see through...
... clothes
... walls
... clothes in photoshop
... clothing shooting in bright sunlight
... clothes with a gimp

I'm starting to get really creeped out. Time to stop and brave the 117 degree weather. Sigh.

**For those of you non-Google saavy readers, the first term is what was typed into the Google search bar. The five items that follow are the most popular searched items after the initial keyword. Again, these are populated by region, so results may, and do tend to vary.