Chronicles of a Homeless Bag Lady. Peculiar Neighbors and Epicurean Delights

I've been back for a little over a week from Panama and I honestly, can't wait to return. Without going into gory detail, work has been busier and simulatenously less engaging than ever. However, while here I have found a way to find joy with my new neighbors.

For starters, there's a blind woman who lives next door to Neil. I find it appropriately intriguing that when she comes home at night, she skillfully slides her key into the lock and marches full speed into her house without turning on the lights. Granted, she doesn't need the lights, but it still strikes me as crazy. She lives her life, literally, in the dark. Fortunately/unfortunately, you can always hear her coming by her belching and determined stomps. Approximately every ten stomp, this woman burps and then chuckles in the direction of her guide dog, as if to blame the dog for the burp. As described by Neil this woman "burps her way to success." The success story, has yet to be determined.

There's also a cave man who lives across the courtyard. He emerges weekly with an unbuttoned flannel shirt, hair to the floor and a bag of trash to take to the dumpster. I'm assuming he's living off of social security?

The most perplexing neighbor, however, is one we lovingly and insultingly call "Slow Mover." I am, every day, more spylike and perplexed by this 200 lb. + African American woman in her mid 50's. It takes her, and I kid you not, approximately ten to 15 minutes to cross her living room. And it's PAINFUL to watch. She has a driver who comes to get her several times a week. It takes no less than an hour for her journey of 100 to 150 feet from her door to the parking lot. I mean, I've run to the store and come back and she's still in transit. All the while, the driver waits by the van with the sliding door open and ready... notably frustrated by the speed.

The other day as Neil was balancing boxes and obviously packing the place up, the Slow Mover popped up behind him and asked in a southern drawl, "Are you moooooovin'?" The first thing about this is that it was obvious Neil was moving and the question was just plain stupid. But the second oddity is that the Slow Mover QUICKLY appeared. Based on previous stalking of the Slow Mover, it would take her at least half an hour to travel the distance she had managed to come towards Neil's door. So it's just perplexing. How did she suddenly speed up?

Surprised, Neil quickly muttered, "yeah," and ducked into his apartment. For the next half hour, Slow Mover made her way back across the courtyard and into her apartment. More to come on the beloved SM.

To top things off, three stray cats reside in the courtyard. One is the size of a lion and hideously orange. Yesterday, it managed to dart into Neil's apartment as we were carrying groceries in. I immediately leaped onto a chair and commanded that Neil kick it out. To my surprise and delight, Neil was eager to kick the monster cat out and in the process, insulted and shook his first at the feline.

So I guess it's bearable. Doesn't hurt that I'm being cooked gourmet meals each night and nutritious breakfasts each morning. Tonight - an incredible southwest salad complete with roasted jalepenos, peppercinis, kidney beans and seasoned chicken. And yes, that's a bottle of Chianti in the background. :)