Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Las Vegas - Fifth Time is a Charm

My sparkling and indulgent neighbor - Las Vegas - never fails to shock, surprise, satisfy and subsequently, exhaust me.

And each time I go, I bring home just a few pieces of Vegas. Each one, making me fairly thrilled that I don't reside in the city of sin. A few worth noting:

The Taxi Drivers

From a young gentleman who had a hip replacement to a man who was not the least shy with us about his past wife who was a Russian spy turned prostitute to a dirty talking Kenya man who could not pronounce "testosterone" - they were all freaks.

The Cheesy Shows

Not that somebody forced me to attend the Chippendales show, but nonetheless...I mean, UF!

Picture a room full of large, middle aged and geriatric women in a dark, seedy showroom rooting & drooling over near-naked steroid enhanced men, doing synchronized dances, kicks and self-groping in a variety of scenarios they've decided make up the female's sexual fantasy (fireman suit, police, cowboy, construction workers, you name it)...FOR AN HOUR. Add $24 drinks and VIOLA!

My advice: Save yourself the money..and dignity.

The Prevalence of the Pretzel Rolls

Vegas sure does love the trendy pretzel roll. And, some might see this as a pro (ahem...Michelle), but others prefer their standard bread, chips and other side dishes.

I won't be TOO negative, however. Positives include nightly performances of Circ du Soleil, delicious restaurants, phenominal accomodations, a pool of men eager to buy you beverages at any time, scharffenberger champagne and the ability to be completely anonymous or outrageous. You can be whomever you wish.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right? Well, not entirely in my case. Meaaaaaaaah.

3 comments:

JAB said...

Don't be hatting on the pretzel roll! In Madison there was place that had a Brat burger. A Brat burger you say? Yes a Brat burger, it was a 1/4 brat patty coupled with a 1/4 beef patty, with lettuce tomatoes and onions, all loving placed between a pretzel roll.

PS- I have an odd feeling that's the first time I have ever written the word "lettuce" in my life.

JAB said...

If you are curious, hatting is very similar to hating, only much worse, and involves fedoras

The Possum Hunter said...

Bahhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaa