Deafening Silence

Somebody told me recently that I was an oxymoron.

Clearly I know the definition of this overused "smart" word, but examining the true meaning of the term made me think. Oxymoron, by definition according to dictionary.com is said to be: "A rhetorical figure in which incongruous or contradictory terms are combined, as in a deafening silence and a mournful optimist." And in briefly recounting the past week of my life...I'm beginning to worry.

Last weekend, my Saturday took me from the luxurious waters of The Phoenician Resort - one of the two five star resorts in Arizona - to a roller derby match at 19th Avenue and Van Buren. For those of you that don't know, this is a prostitute laden area of Phoenix.

The crowd that rallied together to see the women compete was stupefying: from innocent-looking soccer moms, to grunge rocker chicks, to gay men, to the mentally challenged and disabled (I, of course, fall into this final category). There must have been 2-3,000. For ROLLER DERBY. But despite the diversity, everyone seemed to be there for the same reason: to see some carnage.

And blissful carnage did we see. With contendors that go by the likes of "Jenna Talls," "Mary Lou Bodomy," "The Midnight Choker," and my personal favorite, "Nacho Girlfriend," - what would you expect? Elbows, rollerskating over flesh and violent expulsion from the ring. Oh happy incongruous day. And happy contradictory weekend.

During the work weeks, I find myself no less oxymoronic: part smiling account executive, part serial killer investigator. Or part handicap, part "Knockout" champ. Part "I like to have my car door opened for me" and part one-of-the-guys. Part put together, and part broken. Part Neil Diamond, part Ja Rule.
This weekend proved to be no different in the manner of Miss Oxymoron. A Friday night of intense, shit-talking Yahtzee on my patio, and Saturday morning and afternoon at the zoo learning to catch and protect the desert tortouise species with the Arizona Game & Fish Department and then wandering around for hours cursing the obese and ice-cream-stained-face species.

I'll take it to the people. Oxymoron, or just moron?