Turn on Your Easter Hazards

This year's Easter holiday offered no shortage of adorable photos of the many children somehow intertwined into my 20 something existence. There were several of my boss' sophisticated and upper echelon children. Some of my girlfriends' youngsters. Namely though, the Easter weekend (and technology) delivered a home video of my amazing and ingenious redheaded nephew, Marcus, interacting with several inappropriate chicken people. Each were dressed in yellow chicken suits (suspicious) and flapping their polyester wings, all the while releasing chicken noises and embracing each innocent child to stumble upon their chicken path.

I don't trust this at all. Thus, I've drafted a list of questionable Easter activity, mostly for my nephew and his OVERLY trusting parents, but also for those of us that just seem to be naive to the dangers of our modern-day society. Beware of:

1. Chicken suits

2. Bunny suits. Need I resort back to the terrifying Easter bunny from last year? Or to this guy?

3. Subjects in over-the-top pastel hues
4. Marshmallow Peeps, and the cult-like culture surrounding them. Ever heard of Peepshi? Gross.

5. Super enthusiastic Easter egg hunt guides

6. Really, anyone in costume whose identity is [literally] masked

Not to put a damper on the holiday as a whole, or anything.