My Baby Phase

Babies babies babies. The idea of, and actual presence of, babies has penetrated my curious mind these past few days. And it’s brought with it some interesting questions about how we’re all brought into this world, why we do the things we do, and what makes us who we are.

Deep stuff inspired by a creature who finds perfect entertainment in repeatedly pushing the TV button on… and off. On. Off. On. Off. And on.

The interest began this past weekend. I hosted a girlfriend and her fourteen-month old son here in Los Angeles. It’d been since he was about six-months old that I had seen him. I didn’t know what to expect, and in hindsight, I did a pretty poor job preparing for their visit. Future note to self: don’t set up the baby bed on a separate floor than the mother. Also, don’t leave the dog bowl out. The baby will try, and successfully manage to consume it.

Pretty sure it was harmless.

As it turned out, he was one of the most mature babies I’d ever spent time with. He felt secure and calm in his existence, infrequently putting his needs before that of anyone else’s, which I’ve found untrue of most all babies. In fact, I think most all babies are born highly selfish, making certain their needs are attended to first, with little empathy for others around. #It’sTrueDontHate

He couldn’t really talk yet, but he stumbled circles across my living room babbling with animated expressions and gestures, almost like he was practicing for a speech. When he smiled, he squinted his eyes as tight as he could and tensed up his entire body with joy. It was as if he couldn’t even handle the level of happiness he was taking in. Everything in his demeanor led me to believe he would grow up to be a laid back, empathetic and cheerful individual.

Which seems to be in direct contrast with my second emotional baby encounter. It took place as I was combing through my email this afternoon and came across a podcast suggestion from a friend (This American Life – #IHeartIraGlass). It was on babies, of course, and what it is about them that makes them do bad things, disobey, and otherwise break the rules. One particular segment interviewed a psychologist on the good, and bad, in babies. He made a comment that expanded on my belief that babies are born as versions of sociopaths. He believed that humans are at their most violent right at around age two. Now, the potential to inflict actual harm is obviously limited. But, their also limited ability to rationalize others’ needs and understand real consequences… causes what is a sort of sociopathic baby state.  Of course, not all babies are this way, which is evidenced above. But, this did ring a little too close to home.     

Yes. I was a sociopath baby. I recall finding great joy out of the creation of confusion, chaos and disarray. There was a period of time where I’d actually sabotage the family Christmas photo, and just before the flash – I’d jam my tongue out as far as it would possible reach, ruining the year’s picture. By the time the photos were developed, it was always too late. And it always felt thrilling.

I’d find other ways to shake up the Southern snow globe. I got dirty after church, I actually ate dirt (often), broke things I knew were of value to my siblings (Ken Griffey Jr baseball cards, when needed), all for the love of the game. It was a great reward demanding full attention, and despite the best efforts of my parents to show me positive rewards could also merit the same response  – I would not relent.

Has the sociopath really rubbed entirely off? If I'm honest, it takes an extreme amount of effort.