The Underworld: Objectum Sexuality

I was thinking to myself this week, it really has been too long since you've done a good underworld post. And within a matter of days, I was flustered - and intensely fascinated with - an underworld-badge-of-honor network of people brought to my attention by my favorite podcast, Stuff Mom Never Told You. They call themselved objectum sexuals. Put simply: these are individuals who are sexually attracted to... objects.

Commonly referred to as "OS," this subset of individuals express passionte feelings and emotions of arousal, attraction, adoration, LOVE, and desire for inanimate objects. For buildings. For bridges. For amusement park rides. For couches. For washing machines.

Is this serious?

Apparently. As I looked deeper into the subject, there was much to feast my eyes upon. One account was a woman who was in love with a fence. She described her extreme attraction to one particular fence, explaining to the cameraman that she "wanted to get to know it better." Looking notably giddy, she confessed to having a weakness to fences as a whole, mostly because of their perfect geometry. Before the fence, it was a bow and arrow named Lance. The connection she had "on every level" with Lance- from an onlisteners perspective - was something you'd expect to hear across the restaurant from a table full of 20 somethings, recounting their latest canoodles over Bellinis. "Foreplay, afterplay...all of that, and the emotional aspect is probably similar.. "The sex is really great for me, so if everyone else is having that kind of sex, I think it's wonderful. The world should have more of that."

This woman... turns out to be the infamous Erika La Tour Eiffel. Sound familiar? Focus on the last name. That's right. She married the Eiffel Tower.

Another instance is a female named Amy who's madly in love with an amusement park ride, the 1001 Nacht in Pennslyvania. Video footage shows Amy caressing the rusty appendage, perhaps the thigh, and whispering sweet nothings to herself as she douses herself in Nacht's oil. Amy first laid eyes on the ride when she was 13, but knowing the feelings of passion for Nacht weren't normal, she stayed in the closet. Ten years later, though she would likely be labeled by most passerbys as a proud lesbian, she remains faithful to one "man," sleeping with pictures of the 1001 Nacht on her ceiling and carrying around its nuts and bolts with her.

And you thought you had problems.

And then there's Eija, the woman who coined the term objectum sexuals, who fell in love with... the Berlin Wall. I have to stop. I really do. Are we actually expected to accept the claim that these women (and it's generally the ladies we're seeing here) are choosing this as a sexual preference? I'm extremely hesitant to jump on that bandwagon. Very little research has been done on OS, and most of the media coverage that has even reported on it has taken place internationally. The small amount of research that has been done, links OS to Asperger's Syndrome, which makes sense due to the trouble individuals with Aspergers have making social connections with human beings. But as I said, very little information is out there on the subject.

The jury remains hung (yet again, shocker) on the matter. Objectum Sexuality - tragic, comic entertainment, downright demented, or a little bit of it all?

See for yourself. I imagine it's gonna be a hefty task getting to sleep tonight..