"Live Slow"

There's a distinct disposition in Phoenix come late April that feels a little bit like black Friday.  The weather is still gorgeous. The sun-filled days extend to nearly 14 hours. And everything is in bloom. Slowly, the panic seems to set in as we realize our days of this glory are numbered, and all at once -- the most important thing to do is enjoy as much of it as quickly as possible. As every ticking second passes, the summer could hit. Most of the city seems to operate in a near-panic, filling up hiking trails, outdoor patios, open-roofed stadiums... even sidewalks. 

Naturally, I've been playing my part as a crazed Phoenician, even putting in overtime on my front patio most nights. And it was in this very outdoor frenzy that I came across a rather offensive t-shirt slogan. There I was, minding my own business in a hike up the Squaw Peak trail, tuned into a witty podcast on Lady Pilots, and otherwise enjoying the lovely weather. My pace was slowed by a hiker refusing to let me by and I noticed the back of her t-shirt - "Live Slow." 

Beside the phrase being a disgraceful grammatical slur, I also found myself disagreeing with the intention of it quite a lot. "Live Slow." In my daily life, I mostly dislike slow anything: slow people, slow drivers, slow hikers (ahem – lady), slow talkers, slow check out workers, slow technology, slow songs, slow-to-dry finger nail polish... the list could go on and on and on. What bothered me too though, was that it seemed what she was really trying to get across was actually to enjoy life, but if you really “live slow,” by the time you get to wherever it is you’re going, aren't you actually going to have less time to enjoy whatever it is you're doing? Come on.

Or maybe, her slogan was a play off of Lance Armstrong's Live Strong. That’s even more annoying.  

I was finally able to make my way around this lunatic, but not her irritating message. I started wondering about the types of individuals who wear t-shirts for the sole purpose of a personal manifesto. And when they do – is that message intended as a reminder for themselves, or as a pontification for an innocent passerby? 

In any case, she deserves a big F minus. #FAIL #GoBackToEnglishClass